Andrew Ryan – How to Date Multiple Women Honestly And Ethically
1. Be honest about what you’re looking for right now. Never lie simply to keep a woman interested—it's best to be upfront if you're planning to continue seeing other people. If you’re only looking for casual hookups, let her know. You may be surprised to find that she’s also interested in that.
- You can ask her what she’s looking for before you disclose your own interests. You can say, “So we’ve never talked about what we're each looking for. I’m curious what you think about that.”
- Choose an opportune moment and keep it casual. If the subject of past relationships or future plans comes up, you can say something like, “Since then I haven’t been ready for a girlfriend” or, “I have a hard time imagining being ready to settle down any time soon.”
- Eventually, you may develop strong feelings for one or more women. If this happens, you’ll need to be honest with yourself and the people you’re dating.
- Casual doesn’t mean callous. You should always treat the women you’re dating with respect and consideration, no matter how casual the relationship.
3. Be thoughtful when you discuss dating. Sometimes, the way that you present something can have a big influence on how it’s received. If you appear to be direct and honest, women are more likely to be open to a non-exclusive relationship.
- Respond to texts or calls relatively quickly. If she senses that you’re too busy or disinterested to be in touch, she may feel disrespected. It also may seem like a sign that you’re not being forthright.
- Don’t share unnecessary information. For example, if she asks if you’re free on Friday, you can say that you “have plans” rather than saying, “I have a date with someone else.”
- If she presses you to find out whom you have plans with, or what you’re doing, you should be honest. But don’t give more information than she specifically asks for.
- If you're sleeping with more than one woman, be honest and disclose that to each person. That way, they can make an informed decision about whether to continue sleeping with you, or the type of safer sex practices they'd prefer knowing they're not your only partner.If you can’t agree on a set of rules, the relationship may not be viable.
4. Keep things on a “need to know” basis. This goes for the women you’re dating as well as the other people in your life. Your family or coworkers may not understand your need to date multiple women. Never lie about your situation, but keep the details to yourself unless pressed.
- Use discretion when talking about your love life. You may want to omit the women’s names from stories if you’re talking to someone who likes to gossip.
- Don’t share your feelings about one woman with another. Women don’t want to hear that you’re gaga over someone else. They also may think you’re inconsiderate if you tell them what you dislike about other women you’re dating. If you need to vent, talk to a friend.
- If one woman presses you for information that you don't want to share, you can say something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you," or, "Do you think it's really important that we talk about that right now? Because I'd rather not." If she does think it's important, you can decide whether or not you want to honor that.
5. Discuss any rules or deal breakers. You’ll need to have this discussion with each of the women you’re seeing. You are not making a monogamous commitment to any of them, but you can still make other commitments. These rules will help avoid misunderstandings in the future. If you can’t agree on a set of rules, the relationship may not be viable.